I know I haven’t been updating this space for quite a while, neglecting it for work and social life.

2011 was a roller coaster! Loads of drama and heartbreak. It was not only filled with joy but also with sorrow. My relationship with my mother went downhill for almost a big half of the year (but all is good now), I got my heart broken into pieces and had to go through Sem 1′s finals with tears rolling down my cheeks. Results were average, could have done loads better. I went on binge drinking and (kinda) clubbing for weeks at the end of 2011 and early 2012. Lost quite a few people to The Reaper. But that was all 2011.

2012 have been treating me well so far.

Old friends came back into my life, new friends making their mark.

I will be turning 21 this year. I will also be taking chances, risking it all. Bet big or go home, right?

Mir’s 21st birthday. Kitchen Art, Empire.

But family, no matter blood related or not, is the most important aspect of my life right now.

Klang. Annual CNY potluck lunch on the 1st day.

Without these people, my life would be nothing.

One of the few I can’t live without.

Familia es importante para mí.

On the 23rd of December, I was admitted into Assunta Hospital after an entire week of fever.

I had bad chills in the middle of the night and bad cough too.

As I was being admitted, the boys came to visit. When I was being pushed out of the emergency ward in a wheel chair with an IV drip, one of em boys actually yelled out ‘LIKEABOSS’.

Yes, I was sick as fuck but I was sick like a boss!

The view from my room.

As dedicated as the nurses were, I can’t say they weren’t annoying. Barging in in the wee hours to get my temperature. Imagine trying to get some sleep and having to take meds and inhale from the jug below.

I stayed through Christmas.

Spending my Christmas in the hospital was not fun. It also gave me a total different perspective of the people that has to stay long-term and go through celebrations after celebrations in the hospital. I would very much like do something charitable for Christmas next year.

Does anyone know what I can do? Is anyone else interested?

Trent came to visit on the 24th! With cookies! His cookies are heavenly. So yummy.

Crazy woman was high on coke.

Thank you so much for visiting, Trent. Totally made my day (that day).

My roasted turkey with scoops of mash potato for Christmas.

TV was very much repetitive, so thank God I had my laptop that was filled with series and movies with me.

I had to wait for almost 4 hours on the 26th of December to be discharged.

The wait was torture! Imagine staring out your window and the only thing you wanted was to have the heat from the sun to hit your skin.

Apparently, I had lung infection and also slight respiratory tract infection.

Went back to the hospital today for my follow-up appointment and according to the doctor, my lungs were clear and didn’t need any more medication.

What a way to end my last days of 2011.

On the 8th of December, I flew to Thailand for a long-due vacation.

KL Central, 2011.

On the plane!

We flew with Lufthansa.

On the way to Bangkok, we experienced turbulence 30 minutes prior to the landing time. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever had to experience in my entire life. Surprisingly I stayed pretty calm and the others were already screaming away.

Arrived at Suvarnabhumi Airport in one piece, thank goodness.

Their airport is much better architecturally designed as compared to KLIA.

Suvarnabhumi Airport

 As we arrived at the airport, there was some delay due to an accident that involved our transport.

Stayed one night in Bangkok and headed to Pattaya the next morning.

We were up by 5am, practically swallowed our breakfast and sprinted out the hotel with our luggage in hand.

Dropped by a village house before heading to Damnersaduak Floating Market.

Serenity.

On water shopping was fun. Bumping into others and yelling from boat to boat, asking each other about the things we bought.

The weather was gorgeous! Just enough sun to feel it on your skin. Sun-kissed skin, yo. (:

After visiting the floating market, we headed to Sriracha Tiger Zoo where we saw cubs drinking milk from an extremely huge pig. Nothing much, the usual animals in a zoo. But I can’t help but think about how they are really treated behind the scenes. Whether they are abused or violated for them to behave a certain way.

I have been so busy with life that I haven’t had the chance to actually sit down and blog.

Just came back from a 5 day trip to Bangkok&Pattaya, Thailand on Monday night. It was great and I will definitely sit down and take some time to write about it soon.

Started working on Wednesday and have been working non-stop ever since. As tired as it really makes me, it’s worth it. Learning loads!

I love it.

Signs of turning into a workaholic, maybe?

It’s Friday night, so go out and have some fun before it’s too late.

Happy Friday!

All packed and ready to fly. (:

Let’s go! I’m tres excited!

When I get back, it’ll be the middle of the month and soon comes the New Year’s Eve. Then BAM!, it’ll be 2012!

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13 years down the road, I still miss him.

I never got the chance to know the person that had a share in bringing me into this world.

I never got the chance to have a goodbye speech, just like those in the movies.

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One day, I hope to fill the void you left when you left Earth.

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I love you, daddy.

Please rest in peace.

Anonymous. 

There is a time in a patient’s life when the pain ceases to be, when the mind slips off into a dreamless state, when the need for food becomes minimal and the awareness of the environment all but disappears into darkness. This is the time when the relatives walk up and down the hospital hallways, tormented by the waiting, not knowing if they should leave to attend the living or stay to be around for the moment of death. This is the time when it is too late for words, and yet the time when the relatives cry the loudest for help–with out without words…. It is the hardest time for the next of kin as he either wishes to take off, to get it over with; or he desperately clings to something that he is in the process of losing forever.

I’ve never been this sick in 20 years of my life. Had fever for two consecutive days and coughing my lungs out. And am stuck at home for 2 days straight. *sigh* Life…

It’s minutes to December. Minutes to the last month there is left of 2011.

There’s only one month left for you guys to actually make your mark in the year 2011. Go out and make an impact!

December, please be nice to me as the last few months have been extremely difficult.

Imma be dying my hair red soon after I get my hair done. ((: I can’t wait for a total new colour. Hoping that a new colour would bring me a new confidence I’ve lost almost a month ago. A new colour, a new life. ;D

Goodbye November, hello December!

Who ever said relationships are easy? Well, if you ever heard this from someone, that someone is lying to you.  There will always be ups and downs, it only depends on how both parties want to handle it.

These past few years have opened my eyes to a lot different people. People that behaves a certain way with their friends and another with their partners, it almost a two-faced gig. But there’s always a reason behind an action, always. It may not be able to be explained, maybe… But there will always be a reason.

Stop blaming everyone for an unhappy relationship, it’s not about who is saying what or who is doing what but about how you chose to stay. It’s not about his actions or yours, that arguments kept arising and it’s almost a non-stop cycle between the two. But think about it, why stay? Yes, you’ll say that you love him/her and that you can’t live without him/her. But I see that as just being in denial, not wanting to be alone and single. If he/she is cheating on you, leave. If he/she is a jerk about a lot of things, leave. If he/she is not making an effort, leave. If he/she is lying to you, leave. Walk away.

If he/she ever loved you, it won’t happen in the first place. If he/she ever loved you, he/she would not have lied, cheated, be a jerk about a lot of things and not make an effort. He/she might not be a bad person, but he/she MAY be bad for you. You might just not be the one that’s worth the effort. Think about it, you’re in your teenage years or even your early twenties… Do you see yourself getting married in the next year? No.

I’m not saying break up with everyone without fighting to survive, but to know when to stop fighting and let go. Because you’re both unhappy. And if you’re constantly unhappy now, who is going to say that you’ll be happy in the future? If he/she is cheating now, who is going to say that they won’t be cheating again?

Self-worth.

I’ve given guys second chances and it never works out. There’s always a reason why you guys broke up in the first place and giving a second go at it will only lead to high possibility of another heart break. Sometimes, we give people we love a second chance because we feel like there’s ‘unfinished business’ or just curiosity. Second chances may work for some people but not all. Give yourself a chance to know someone that is actually worth your affection and time. Instead of wasting your nights away waiting for a call or a ‘I love you’.

Distance does strain a relationship, no matter how much love there is in between two people. Effort and trust is almost mandatory to keep it alive but if there is none… Lies, doubts and insecurities start to arise. Lost of trust will eventually happen and it’ll only end badly. I just feel like if two people really do love each other, they would make some effort to spare some time to communicate with their other half. Not knowing how to express love is not an excuse for not making an effort. I know you ache for his attention and his love, who doesn’t? But why put yourself through all the sufferings?

Like said, know your self-worth.

I’ve recently had my heart broken into pieces and stomped to break it into MORE pieces.

But I’m trying. I’m really trying to look at myself. I may not have been worth much, not to him. But I will be, one day, worthy to someone else. And most importantly, worthy on my own terms and to myself. I’ve stopped trying to figure out what went wrong and what did I do wrong because honestly, I’ve stopped caring about it. Yes, I do drown myself in sorrow once in a while. But that’s just for me to release it all out until there’s none for me anymore.

Looking back at old posts as well as old comments were quite encouraging as random people that I don’t know of would write comments like these:-

My hands are cold, my body’s numb. I’m still in shock, what have you done? My head is pounding, my visions blurred. And I hurt so bad, that I search my skin, For the entry point, where love went in, And ricoshad and bounced around. And left a hole, when you walked out. I’m falling through the doors of the emergency room. Can anybody help me with these exit wounds? I don’t know how much more love this heart can lose. Marks of battle, they still feel raw. A million pieces of me, on the floor. I’m damaged goods, for all to see. Now who would ever wanna, be with me?

It hits me..

I’m not the person you kiss anymore. I’m not the person you hug anymore. I’m not the person you create beautiful memories with. I’m not the person you smile with anymore. I’m not the person you go to with good&bad news. I’m not the person you try to keep warm anymore.

I’m not yours anymore… She’s yours.

I’m trying so hard to stop thinking about you, about us.

You’ll never understand.

Everywhere I go, everything I hold, everything I see… I see you, I see us.

It hurts… It still hurts.